⠀ ⠀ REAL MEN⨾ ── .✦ ،، all i wanna do is get naked in front of you . ،،

junebug or shudder's extended (++) 𓆩 she ノ he 𓆪⠀ ⠀ 𓏵 ⠀ ⠀ ftm pansexual 𓎟𓎟 sys 𓂅 ENFJ 2w3 sx2 back ◡◡ hrd interact in moderation. ⟡⠀ ،، nobody is coming to save you .⠀get up . ،، ⠀⟡

⚝ i am sort of like a touch-me-not plant. maybe a more suitable description is a scared animal. i tend to ghost people and disappear when we spend too much time together. though i am always loyal to my friends, excessive social interaction makes me shut down and i am unable to tolerate too much of one person. in the process of trying to make distance to avoid this very consequence, i end up growing a disdain for talking to the person. unfortunately, this has been the end of many friendships i once wished to keep.
⚝ i also have a habit of convincing myself that i am unwanted or disliked by others, causing me to avoid them. though i am aware that in most cases this is not true, i continue to try to make distance, resulting in that same feeling of dread and annoyance when having to talk to whom i am avoiding. there are only a few people that i know that are spared of this inconvenience as a side effect of my low self esteem. ⟡⠀ ،، do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle ? ،، ⠀⟡ ⚝ i struggle a lot with ied. i am constantly getting angry and annoyed with the people around me, snapping my jaws like a feral dog. in addition to the sheer disdain i feel from having typical every day conversations with others, i have a lot of issues having to do with mood swings, which causes a lot more trouble than most can handle. i find myself saying a lot that i hate this, or i hate them, or i hate that. it has taken a lot of work and self-regulation to get myself to the point where i am today- where i can recognize when i am being irrational and rude for no reason. it took patience to get here. ⟡⠀ ،، maybe there is a beast. maybe it's only us. ،، ⠀⟡ ⚝ unfortunately, after reading this you may have the predetermined idea that i am simply a bitch. the even more unfortunate part is that i cannot refute this. i came to terms long ago with the fact that it's true. but i am feeling. i am kind to an extent and i am just as capable of being gentle as you, or anyone else. i believe that the duality of humanity is that everyone can be good or evil under the same circumstances, and anyone can be both good or evil at once because those concepts have never truly existed. i am accepting of what i am and i don't care for what i could have been; only for what i will be. ⟡⠀ ،، oh, dilute me, gentle angel . ،، ⠀⟡ ⚝ i like to think of myself as a fallen angel of sorts that needs saving. i have understood for a long time that no one is coming to save me, but that doesn't stop me from longing for warmth and love and light. i am ever-reaching out to that distant light, only recoiling when i finally touch it and then it fades. i get attached to some people after a while because when i begin to trust that they do not hate me and will not annoy me, i find myself obsessed with the prospect of keeping them around me for as long as possible. i interact with every person as if i want them by my side for life. i am over-empathetic towards these people and often end up pushing them away as i am so concerned with their perception of me, rooted deeply in insecurity.